I had the opportunity last night to speak to a group of really energetic, engaged parents in a church basement in Astoria, NY. Despite sleet, cold and children who were sure to get up at the butt-crack of dawn, these folks trekked out in the dark.
These parents, some of them alone, some with their partner, did not just use up valuable rest & relaxation timing going out in bad weather, they went out to talk about… parenting! I am always excited and honored to engage parents about this hard work we do.
I was struck especially by two things during this seminar.
I believe this is the first generation of parents to often spend time, money and energy working to better their own parenting skills. It is NOT a new idea that parents want to do an excellent job. Perhaps, though, it is a new idea that parents can learn from science and research and each other how to add skills and change paths and build parenting prowess.
In an age when many complain that children are more entitled, that parents are less involved, that society is failing the next generation, I see hope and motivation. I meet parents who are actively parenting. More than that, parents who are taking time to critique their own performance and look for resources to address new challenges or rework unsuccessful solutions.
I meet parents struggling to afford the bare necessities, and they still don’t let themselves off the hook. Parents want to know how to talk to kids about tough subjects, when to intervene and when to step back. How to recognize their children’s inherit strengths and weaknesses, and give them the skills they need to do well in the world.
So these folks did come out last night in the nasty, to talk about hard stuff instead of taking in the most recent blockbuster (and not only because I think it costs $137 to see a movie in NY). The other point that was really brought home for me last night is this: there is benefit to just gathering as parents.
When we acknowledge as a group that we are each struggling sometimes, we each find comfort. I hope that I was able to shift the lens a little, and allow these parents to see their challenges from a slightly different angle. I very much hope that the new angle and the possible solutions we discussed will give them a greater measure of peace at home. It’s clear to me, however, that the real strength imparted was from the commonality of our experiences.
When parents care so very much about their interactions with their kids, good outcomes will occur. Not every day and not on every topic, but the love shines through.
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