OK, so I get it. I mean, we have to make sure our kids are OK, right? We need to know if they’re struggling, if someone is bullying them, if they’re hurting. And the only way to know is to BE there. Watching, listening, hovering.
Except, no. Your kids will be OK without your 24/7 knowledge and input.
Your kid’s happiness? NOT your problem. Their safety, sure. So teach them to cross the street alone. Then let them do it. As a matter of fact, anything you’re worried about them doing alone, follow that recipe:
1. Name the obstacle.
2. Teach them to overcome it.
3. Let them try.
4. Rinse and repeat.
It’s harder on us than on them. For reals.
I believe in raising children with responsibility, but I am up such constant resistance from chores to choices of meals. There seems to be no empathy, compassion, or understanding that I work a full day, bring food into the house, wash laundry, cook, and pay bills, along with spending mom time with my daughter. She feels SHE is a slave for helping an hour or so a week. It’s my belief that these expectations come from her father and I’m building a resentment toward him through her mirroring his doctrines.
Bribery and exchanges have. Fought her to a few therapy sessions, but she’s “Uber fixated” on her dream to move in with him, so is not willing to work on a relationship with me.
I am very open to trying almost anything short of allowing her to leave her safe and grounded roots in Pittsburgh.
Thank you.
I hear the pain you have about this. I will say that you can only control your actions, and not her feelings or beliefs about your actions. You can’t make her feel empathy or compassion for your struggles, nor can you force her to have more perspective about her own struggles. I recommend that you continue to have empathy for her feelings without changing your rules. And I’d recommend that you focus on therapy for you, so that you can get the validation you need without asking your daughter for that validation. You’re going to have to play the long game of being a person she can count on for love and boundaries, and wait for her to live enough life to understand.